Tribute and Thanks… Aunty Lolly
Good afternoon everyone. It is indeed an honour for me to stand here before you today to address you at the passing of Helena Maria Loubser also known as Lorina but known to most of us as Aunty Lolly.
I want to thank Riva, Bevan, Chantal , Cudore, uncle Boetie, Aunty Maude and all Aunty Lolly’s relatives for giving me the opportunity to say thank you on behalf of the family.
I have asked the family to give me some leeway and the right to have the generous interpretation of the thank you – I want to thank Aunty Lolly and I want to briefly reflect on the life of someone who helped shape , mould and ultimately determine my life path and those of many of us here today.
Helena Maria Loubser, was born Helena Maria Persent on 24 October 1936 . She passed away on 21 st September 2014, leaving behind her daughter Riva, son Bevan and his wife Chantal grandchildren Hannah and Naham , Cudore Snell , uncle Boetie and aunty Maude and all her nieces, nephews and friends.
Aunty Lolly was the youngest of three children . Her oldest sister was the late Auntie Lettie and her older brother Uncle Boetie . She was born in the town of Wellington, schooled there and later qualified as a teacher after studying at Hewat teachers training college.
In 1961 she married Victor Oliver Loubser – they were married for 24 years until Uncle Vicky’s untimely passing in 1986. The union bore two children: Riva born in 1966 and Bevan born in 1971
Aunty Lolly dedicated more than 40 years of her life to the teaching profession. She taught at a few schools but will be remembered for her work at Lotus River Primary where she taught from 1972 to 1996 – a period of 24 years interrupted briefly when she left the teaching profession for a short while. It was here that she was to make her mark as a leader, mentor and educator who was respected and loved by all who passed through her hands.
Aunty Lolly was also a member and friend of both the now defunct Livingstone Tennis Club and the oldest table tennis club in Africa: the Livingstone Kenilworth table tennis club, better known as Liv-Ken and still in existence today. In recent times she would still on occasion attend functions of the table tennis club.
Aunty Lolly was also active in the church – being a member of the wider st aidans family and a member of the forever young club
Friends those are the cold biographical facts – but these facts do not give you the full picture…they don’t speak of her warmth , her generosity , her wonderful forgiving nature, her humour , her humility and her unique ability to put others before herself. These facts don’t speak of her motherhood and nurturing of not only Riva and Bevan but many others. I think Cudore Snell and I can testify that she indeed was our second mother. And there were others here today who probably think the same. I’m thinking now especially of riva and bevans many friends who through the years passed through number 54 devon road – aunty lolly was always welcoming, loving , kind and generous.
The connection between our families dates back for all the years of aunty lolly’s life and even further (a period of more than 80 years I am told) – my mother Audrey and Aunty Lolly were next door neighbours and friends from birth.
I can remember Aunty Lolly as far back as I am able to remember – she was always in my life.
She was present when all the small decisions and the big decisions about my life path were taken– through birth, children , death, school, university, marriage, sickness, divorce, report cards, graduation, adoption, sickness and all the other moments which shape our existence – she always gave support, always encouraging, always enabling always listening
She and her late husband Uncle Vicky and Riva and Bevan were always around. They spent many hours together with my parents Jasper and Audrey, my sister Lee and myself.
As she lay in ICU on Sunday all the memories came flooding back , the imagery rich and diverse in my mind: the braais, the parties, the cake and tea, the aunties : Marie, Freda, Denise, Jocelyn and all the others, the camps, the holidays, the laughter and the tears, the fact that the loubsers were always late – always, the car boots that were stacked for an outing as if we were going to trek through Africa, sandvlei, zeekoevlei, tokai forest, silvermine, de hoek, George, Durban, wellington, medusa park, grapes, tents , putting up the xmas tree at 54 devon road even though midnight of xmas eve had passed and the tree lights wouldn’t work (I promise you every year without fail), tennis, table tennis, manta swimming club, jackpots, brandy, horses, kreef, perlemoen, novelty car rallies, xmas lunch … the many many good times and the very very few bad times –– I would say that these were amongst the happiest times of our lives…
I acknowledged all of this on Sunday as I stared down at her struggling to hang on to life… but the main image that came into my mind was cameo cigarettes and mint imperials… I can even see her now… puffing and sucking that sweet… and on that Sunday, 21 st September 2014 as if to connect to her, as if to honour her memory, as if to hang on to something that would make me feel better… I walked out of that 2nd floor ICU at Vincent Palloti down to the café below and bought a packet of mint imperials…. Cameo Cigarettes and Mint Imperials – isn’t it funny how the smallest memories become the most endearing?
Aunty lolly was a spoiler – the kind of aunt anyone would want. She would have a cupboard where she would keep sweets ,luxuries, biltong , mebos, biscuits just for when children visited – it was high up. I remember making straight for that cupboard on many occasions. She was the kind of aunt who could soften your parents strict discipline and we all loved her dearly for that. She brought a lightness to our lives, a kindness to our hearts and a generosity to our spirit.
Aunty lolly believed in the power of education. She was a teacher in so many ways. I remember one incident when I was in standard 4. – my Afrikaans ability was virtually non-existent – she would coach me on a weekly basis giving me reading and writing exercises – one day she pointed to the wall outside and asked me what the word was in afrikaans. – it was obvious to me :dit was n “wal” – she said – my kind ek wal jou reg uit die huis uit ! – she would always remind me of that “wal” as I was growing up.
By the time I reached standard 7 I was a voracious reader – we would exchange novels and I spent many weekends in the house at 54 devon road just reading. Aunty Lolly cemented my love for reading and knowledge through that encouragement. She would always ask for my report card – always interested in my progress , forever assuring my mother that there was indeed hope for me.
It was through role models like her and teachers like aunty Jocelyn Parsotam, Jean Charles, William van Graan
and many others that I eventually landed up in the teaching profession. They came from that generation who understood that children came first in everything – that children were the future and worthy of investment – Aunty lolly was indeed the kind of teacher our country needs and is crying out for right now- dedicated , committed and engaged.
Billy Keniston writing in a book called “choosing to be free” says that we learn from other peoples life choices so that we can choose how to live.
I learnt so much from aunty lolly …I learnt about dedication to tasks, sticking the course, making the best of your resources. I learnt too that adversity can be overcome through determination, quiet reflection and a desire to make progress and move on.
Aunty lolly was involved in a serious accident when she was younger and this left her with an inability to hear properly – yet she still taught , lived and loved. Four years ago she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer – she remained positive with a quiet determination to fight the disease.
From her I learnt about humility, warmth, love and forgiveness but most importantly from her I learnt about the gift of generosity – not just the giving of material things but the giving of oneself – that was her greatest gift.
Aunty lolly , you are in a better place, thank you for all that you have meant to me and my family. May you dance with joy , laugh with happiness and rest in peace knowing that you have left your mark on all of us.
I remain forever in your debt.
Friends the family have asked that I thank all of you for your support
The family would like to thank…..
We thank God with blessing us with mommy and for her for 77 years
of life
The clergy for conducting the ceremony and their support and
prayers; Reverends Deon, Erica and Clive
Tommy and Daphne Adonis for serving communion to mommy at home
The doctors and staff at Rondebosch GVI Oncology for the care
during her treatment
The doctors and staff of Vincent Pallotti especially Dr Woodlands
and Prof Welsch and staff of medical ICU
St Luke’s Hospice for their monthly visits and support
The St Aidan’s family for their love and support
The Forever Young club for their support and love
The organist
Ursula Dennis for the flowers
The undertakers, Chris Roberts Undertakers for their dignified
service.
Those responsible for arranging the tea after the service there are too many
to name
All the relatives, friends and family for always being there for mommy,
their support during mom’s illness and especially this last week, May God bless you all.
Bevan ,Chantal, Princess Hannah and Prince Nahum – thank you for being good children for you mommy and grandma – for supporting her when you needed to, for easing her burdens with your love and devotion. Your were the light in her darkest times and her sunshine in the happy times. she loved you dearly. Your pain is our pain.
And finally our thanks must go to Riva, to you for looking after mommy, our aunt , our sister, our grandmother and our friend, for taking her for treatment, for always being there for her, through thick and thin. Riva, God will thank you in ways not yet imagined. When we are young our parents take care of us and the greatest compliment we can give to their efforts is to pay it forward – normally we do it via our children. Riva you have paid it forward through all the love and care you gave your mommy. You were her beacon and helped to carry her through good times and bad. We all remain forever in your debt. May God bless and keep you.
Friends, after the service you are all invited to join the family for tea at the Moravian church and school hall in church street Lansdowne
To end off I would like to quote from one of my favourite authors and poets
Khalil Gibran writing in The Prophet said:
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.
In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;
And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.
Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink form the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance…”
Aunty lolly is singing , dancing and climbing , looking down on all of us, resting, content and happy in the knowledge that her work on earth is done.
Brent Craig Walters
27 September 2014